Hole

The following is a story I heard on an episode of the TV series the West Wing. It is a piece of dialogue used to illustrate a point about why one of the characters wasn’t fired from his job, and why he was forced into seeking help from a psychologist about a trauma he is suffering from. Neither one of the characters in the scene is the psychologist; the younger one is the man going through post traumatic stress disorder. Every time I see it or hear it, I get emotional. I love it, and live it out. I hope you do too.

A guys’ walking down the street and falls into a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out. A doctor walks by and the guy in the hole shouts, “I’m stuck can you help me?” The doctor writes out a prescription throws it down the hole and moves on. Then, a priest walks by and the man shouts, “Father, I’m stuck can you help me?” The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by and the man in hole shouts, “Hey Joe, it’s me, I’m stuck down here, can you help me out?” The friend then jumps in the hole. Our guy says, “Are you stupid, now we’re both stuck down here!” The friend says, “Yeah, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

I love this little story. I love the meaning, the implications, the lessons, and the sacrifice. What do we know? A man falls in a hole, two men who could help, help, but not in the way the man in the hole needs. He’s looking for a way out of the hole, and the Doctor and priest think they need to put their skills to use and do what they do best, write prescriptions and say prayers. Sure, they mean well, but it’s not what the man is asking for. He wants to get out, and these men don’t offer that kind of help. We don’t know if they know the man, but it would seem that they don’t, because of their lack of insight into what the man is asking for and the fact that the third man to walk by is introduced as a friend.

He’s someone that knows our guy stuck in the hole. He refers to him by name and the author introduces him to us as friend unlike the previous two who are given titles of career not relationship to the man.

The friend who jumps in the hole is offering something to the man that the other two would not, a hand. By jumping in the hole with our guy he is saying that his well being is more important to him that his own. He is willing to sacrifice himself so that his friend can get out. We also know that this man, the friend, has been in this hole before, this situation, and he knows the best way to get out. His way of helping is to put himself in the same situation as his friend and use his experience to help him out of his problem.

So, what’s the meaning?

It takes a friend, a true friend, someone who knows you, to help you through the rough spots in your life. Asking for help from a stranger may not yield that result you’re looking for. They may help you, but not in the way you’re hoping for. The friend, knows what he’s going through, knows how best to help him and is willing to put his friend in trouble ahead of himself. A doctor and a priest, while capable of pulling the man out, or going to get help, don’t do it. They think that he is asking for professional help, not personal help. The friend understands what he needs and gives it to him. However, rather than pulling him out of the hole with a rope or arm, or something else, he jumps in and SHOWS him how to get out himself. He leads him to the way out. The hole could be a metaphor for anything. We know he’s in trouble, but it could be any kind of trouble. It could be financial, physical, marital, mental, work related, or whatever. The friend who jumped in was familiar with the trouble having been in it before and knew the best way to overcome it. He knew the way out.

It’s hard to ask for help, and it’s hard to know what exactly you need to do to give help. Sure you can physically help someone out of a tough place, or you can show them how to help themselves. What is important is that you, the friend, are willing to put your friend ahead of yourself.

Be helpful, but also, listen to what your friend is asking you to do. Be attentive and be willing to sacrifice if necessary. That is the true measure of a friend. It’s the way I try to be, and it’s the way I hope you will be. You may have been there before and know the way out. Don’t be afraid to show it. Your friends are counting on it.

Until next time
P