Fatherhood

So, I’m going to be a father. Yeah, I know, it’s a huge deal. It’s something that I’ve thought of, dreamed about, and wanted for a very long time. When my own father passed away in 1992, I was left wondering what my life would be like concluding my teenage years without a father around. I did all right, made the right choices, and am a good man. Or so I would like to think. I do often wonder what kind of man I would be right now if my father was still around.

I have also wondered the type of father I will be when my time finally came. I don’t have to wait much longer. My son or daughter is due in December and Karen and I are scared, excited, relieved, petrified, and everything else in between. I know I’ve prayed and wondered about this, but the time is rapidly arriving and the joy and panic are becoming one emotion and I don’t know which one is winning. If I had to guess I would say that the panic is the weaker of the two, but it’s there.

So here is my message to my unborn child. It is universal and can be applied whether boy or girl….

Hello:

I wanted to let you know how great a blessing you have been to my life. From the time your mom told me that she was pregnant with you, to the time you entered the world, you were always at the front of my mind. You were loved before you ever existed and your future was always discussed by your mother and I. I may not have always done the right thing, said the right thing, or behaved in the most appropriate of ways, but just know that with you, I did the best job I could. I wanted you to have the best in life, to know right from wrong, and to reach for the stars as best you could. There’s a cliché in our society that the only thing a child had to do to make their parents happy was to come home at the end of the day. A touching sentiment, and very true, but I want to expand upon it. It matters not to me how successful you are, what type of job you obtain, what friends you have, so long as the life you lead is a good one. I want you to achieve goals, I want you to want amazing things for yourself, and I want you to believe that there is nothing in life that you cannot have. If you do these things, in addition to coming home at the end of the day, then, you will have made me happy. At the time of my writing this, your mother was my greatest love on this earth. She is passionate and brave, strong and loving, and perhaps the most organized cleaner the world has ever seen. Of course you know this, you’ve met her. As time went on, and we met the struggles of raising you and showing you the beauty of this world, my love for her grew even more. She put up with a lot from me, and I did my best to show her every day of our lives together that she was my treasure. This is what I hope for you when it comes time, many many many many many many years from now, like when you can rent a car, which in this country is 25, and you find yourself in love. One of the things your mom loved about me was that I was cheesy. I loved being romantic on dates, at home, and everywhere else. I need you to do the same. Don’t be afraid to show love, don’t be afraid to receive love, and never run away from the opportunities that love presents to you. To my son, if she is a good woman, with strong values as you do, and she makes your heart skip a beat every time she walks into a room, tell her. Show her that she matters a great deal to you. To my daughter, if a young man enters your life that treats you like the queen you are, never takes advantage of your goodness, and doesn’t mind having your mother along on your dates, then you have my blessing, and you can see this man. Know this though, as your father, no one is good enough for you. I apologize now if I embarrassed you in front of a boy you liked, but it’s my job to protect you and try to shield you from as much pain as possible. I can’t protect you forever, so I had to do the best with the time that was given to me. I love you, always have, and always will. You will forever be known as the best Christmas present, I ever received. Thank you for having the heart of a servant, for being selfless in selfish times, for being the type of child that a parent can’t stop bragging about, and for making my life even better than it was before you arrived. Make your life extraordinary and never let a moment to be great pass you by.

So that’s what I want to say to my child, and how much I desired to have them in my life. Will I be a good dad, well time will tell on that one, but I believe that if I care enough, if I understand that I will make mistakes but never repeat them, if I love them unconditionally all the days of their lives, then I believe I will make a great father.

Yes, I’m scared and I’m elated at the opportunities that fatherhood will bring to my life, but I think, no, I know I’m ready for this. I want this, and by the grace of God, and love of the woman who helps me get through the days, I say bring it on. Nothing could be as scary or bad as not going through it at all.

Until next time
P
a.k.a.- Dad