Toss Up

Sophomore Year... Good gosh, that was a horrible mullet.

Are you person that you envisioned yourself to be when you were in high school? Is your life what you hoped it would be? What were you in high school? Jock...Prom King... Nerd... Lost... Romantic... Dreamer... President... What did you want to be?

Lately, I've been reflecting on the life I have and how it is compared to who I was in high school. I wasn't the popular kid in school. I wasn't the most hated either, but it wasn't everything I had hoped it would be. Took me a few years to get used to it, and actually like it. I had friends, good ones. I wished I knew them better. It was my fault, not theirs. I didn't put myself out there enough to let them get to know me better or I them.

I have taught in a high school as a sub and as full time teacher, plus I coach in a high school. I wonder who had it harder, my generation or the current one. I guess you could also include other generations to that wondering. Did my parents have it harder than I did? Harder than the students I see today? I don't know, you'd have to compare the differences and similarities of the time.

I know that for me, making friends and being accepted was hard to do. I went to a public high school, and a good one at that. My problem was that I didn't know anyone going in. I came from a private school and so high school was my first time in the public school setting. I went from 10 classmates in my 8Th grade graduating class, to my first period Algebra I class of 42. It was quite the culture shock.

However, there wasn't the media outlet that kids have today. There wasn't a Facebook, Myspace, or the Internet that we know today. There are the same peer pressures and the need and desire for acceptance. But, are the kids better or worse today, than when I was in high school? I don't know, it's a toss up.

I know that today, the pressures of getting into college, a good one, drugs, social status, and things of that nature are important, but I also remember them being important in my time. I remember being a senior and worrying about the next phase of my life. I wondered where I was going to be, what I was going to do, who I was going to be.

I also remember how tough it is to be accepted. To break free from the labels that peers put on you and call you each and every single day that you are in high school. I was mocked, ridiculed, made fun of, daily. I was also received and appreciated. It was a very confusing time. I have seen it in today's school too. That notion that you can be cool to one group of students and a source of mockery to another. It's hard. Nothing about high school is easy no matter what era you are in.

I guess the bottom line I'm getting at is that you can't really compare who has it harder. Each generation has something it can say was hard for them. No one really has it any easier or harder than the other. I'm not saying people can't have hard time in high school, I'm just stating that you can't compare the generations. My experiences in high school may have been harder or easier than yours, but I can't compare the experience to someone I coach today or taught, it's not the same thing.

Oh, and by the way, I was the Nerd. I was the Lost. I was the Confused. I was the Jock. I wore many hats in high school. I was just looking to be accepted. I found it in many places, didn't have success in others. I don't regret my high school memories. I do wish that I didn't try so hard to make people like me. I found out, being myself, was good enough. The people I wanted as friends, I don't even talk to today. Not their fault, not even close. My fault. I never put myself out there enough to leave an impression. If I had to change something, it would be that. Lord knows how strong my relationships with people would be, if I learned early on, to stop trying so hard to get people to like me, and just be myself.

High school should a fun time to get to know others as well as yourself. There will be struggles, come on, it's high school, of course you'll struggle. But, in the end, after all the finals, classes, sporting events, class elections, plays, clubs, friends, enemies, frenemies, after all of it, I think you'll find that it was truly one of the best times of your life, and the time where your identity for the man or woman you are today, was formed.

Until next time
P
Laguna Hills High School: Class of 1995
GO HAWKS!

Good Grief

While I do love this time of the year, and this week, love the weather, there is something that I do hate... elections.

I love the idea of voting, changing things for the better, giving people a chance to be a leader, or to lead, enacting this little thing called democracy, all of it. What I can't stand are the adds and all the lame commercials that are airing on our local TV stations right now.

Every time I see it, I think of Charlie Brown. I think of him being the only person who knows what's right but is surrounded by people who just don't get it, and with that, I say, Good Grief! I know it's the popular thing to do, but when mudslinging become the sole method for campaigning? Isn't it better to promote yourself rather than put down the competition? Promote yourself. Tell me why I should give you my vote. Don't tell me why not to vote for the other guy. I want to know you, I want to know why I should care about your views and opinions.

Whitman and Brown have killed politics for me. I used to love watching the debates, getting involved, caring about the issues, but with these two, oh my gosh it's about everything but they issues. It's about who can say the most crap about the other first. It's about making their opponent look weak; but to me, they are the ones who look weak. They look petty.

This is what it sounds like to me.... "I don't have a solution to the problem of (INSERT ISSUE HERE) but if you elect my opponent, you will see a raise in taxes, a mismanagement of funds, and a weaker California." No where in that statement does it say anything about why I should give them my vote. They just don't want me to vote for the opponent.

Give me a reason. Give me something. Give me some hope and promise for the future. I want to look forward to election day, not wish it would just pass me by. I want to know your plan. I want to know you: what you stand for, why you stand for it, what you care for, why this is important to you, how you're going to balance the budget, put teachers in the classroom, make schools the palaces they should be, whatever. Tell my why my vote matters. Don't waste my time giving me the resume of someone else. I want to care. Give me something to care about.

I want to believe that American politicians can be about the issues and presenting the best version of themselves to the voters. I want to believe that people who run for office have the best interest of their constituents at heart. I can't say that about our governors or senators.

I don't want to say, Good grief anymore. I want to say, YAY! or something positive. Please, there are just two weeks left, give me something to believe in. No more negative adds, boost yourself, don't tear down your opponent, it makes you look weaker and your position with the voters is weakened.

Until next time
P

Do over

Wouldn't life be easier with a rewind button? What about a delete key? I would even take a do over key? I wear a size 11 shoe and I am amazed at how easily I can fit it into my mouth. I think even the best of us sometimes can make a mistake that we could have avoided easily, but did anyway, not really taking into consideration how it might effect others.

I am that person. No need to go into specifics, but let me just say that I need a do over. I need to rewind my life and stop myself before I knowingly did something I wish I could take back.

I am better than that, I think we all are. I think we all know what to do an not to do, we just lose focus for a moment and that's all it takes. A moment is all one needs to do something that requires a do over. In sports it's a missed shot, in business it's doing a report, in life, it's a missed opportunity.

Unfortunately we don't get a do over, we don't get to rewind. We only get to move forward. None of us can undue the past, rewrite history, or change what we've done, all we can do is move forward and repair the damage done. That's what I intend to do, move forward and make amends.

I encourage you, in whatever area of your life that needs a do over, try not to focus on undoing it, but rather focus on how you can make sure it doesn't happen again. I am not perfect, far from it. I try to be a good man, a good person. Not to brag, but 90% of the time, that's what I do. Then there's that other 10% where I act out of frustration, depression, anger, remorse, or general lack of satisfaction. Those are things I must deal with, not the fault or problem of anyone else.

I am here to make amends, make changes, move forward. Take it upon yourself to do the same. We're not perfect, we make mistakes, we're flawed. But, it doesn't excuse our actions. Don't let yourselves get caught up in your frustrations. Take the time to understand them before you ask if you can have a do over.

Be happy by doing the right thing, not the thing that will make you feel better but hurt someone else. None of that is necessary.

Trust me.

Until next time
P

Hole

The following is a story I heard on an episode of the TV series the West Wing. It is a piece of dialogue used to illustrate a point about why one of the characters wasn’t fired from his job, and why he was forced into seeking help from a psychologist about a trauma he is suffering from. Neither one of the characters in the scene is the psychologist; the younger one is the man going through post traumatic stress disorder. Every time I see it or hear it, I get emotional. I love it, and live it out. I hope you do too.

A guys’ walking down the street and falls into a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out. A doctor walks by and the guy in the hole shouts, “I’m stuck can you help me?” The doctor writes out a prescription throws it down the hole and moves on. Then, a priest walks by and the man shouts, “Father, I’m stuck can you help me?” The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by and the man in hole shouts, “Hey Joe, it’s me, I’m stuck down here, can you help me out?” The friend then jumps in the hole. Our guy says, “Are you stupid, now we’re both stuck down here!” The friend says, “Yeah, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

I love this little story. I love the meaning, the implications, the lessons, and the sacrifice. What do we know? A man falls in a hole, two men who could help, help, but not in the way the man in the hole needs. He’s looking for a way out of the hole, and the Doctor and priest think they need to put their skills to use and do what they do best, write prescriptions and say prayers. Sure, they mean well, but it’s not what the man is asking for. He wants to get out, and these men don’t offer that kind of help. We don’t know if they know the man, but it would seem that they don’t, because of their lack of insight into what the man is asking for and the fact that the third man to walk by is introduced as a friend.

He’s someone that knows our guy stuck in the hole. He refers to him by name and the author introduces him to us as friend unlike the previous two who are given titles of career not relationship to the man.

The friend who jumps in the hole is offering something to the man that the other two would not, a hand. By jumping in the hole with our guy he is saying that his well being is more important to him that his own. He is willing to sacrifice himself so that his friend can get out. We also know that this man, the friend, has been in this hole before, this situation, and he knows the best way to get out. His way of helping is to put himself in the same situation as his friend and use his experience to help him out of his problem.

So, what’s the meaning?

It takes a friend, a true friend, someone who knows you, to help you through the rough spots in your life. Asking for help from a stranger may not yield that result you’re looking for. They may help you, but not in the way you’re hoping for. The friend, knows what he’s going through, knows how best to help him and is willing to put his friend in trouble ahead of himself. A doctor and a priest, while capable of pulling the man out, or going to get help, don’t do it. They think that he is asking for professional help, not personal help. The friend understands what he needs and gives it to him. However, rather than pulling him out of the hole with a rope or arm, or something else, he jumps in and SHOWS him how to get out himself. He leads him to the way out. The hole could be a metaphor for anything. We know he’s in trouble, but it could be any kind of trouble. It could be financial, physical, marital, mental, work related, or whatever. The friend who jumped in was familiar with the trouble having been in it before and knew the best way to overcome it. He knew the way out.

It’s hard to ask for help, and it’s hard to know what exactly you need to do to give help. Sure you can physically help someone out of a tough place, or you can show them how to help themselves. What is important is that you, the friend, are willing to put your friend ahead of yourself.

Be helpful, but also, listen to what your friend is asking you to do. Be attentive and be willing to sacrifice if necessary. That is the true measure of a friend. It’s the way I try to be, and it’s the way I hope you will be. You may have been there before and know the way out. Don’t be afraid to show it. Your friends are counting on it.

Until next time
P

Favorite

The smell of the air, the feel of the night, the aroma of the day, the look of the decorations, the sounds from the house, the spookiness of the night, the endless possibilities. Halloween is my favorite time of the year.

I have loved Halloween since I was a kid, but in my older years, the season means so much more to me. It is my favorite non-religious and patriotic day of the year. There are so many great things about it, I don't care how old I get this holiday time will always be my favorite.

There is something about the Fall season and particularly October that I just love. Normally I don't really notice the air, the feel of the air, or the look of the season, but there is something about October that stands out. Might be the leaves on the ground or the fact that we are going on Daylight savings time, but I just love this time of the year.

Near my moms house, there is a house the loves Halloween more than I do, going all out for the decorations, the smoke machines, the music, all of it. I love it. I love walking the streets watching the houses get into the night and be proud of their homes and their decorations.

I love the idea that this is the night when getting dressed up and pretending to be someone else is all right, no matter what your age is. I just wish it was still alright to go trick-or-treating when you are past the age of 11. That's when my parents said it wasn't appropriate. This is the night when you get to be someone else and live someone else's life. You get to be whomever you want to be and you get forget for just one night, what the real world has to offer.

You get to forget about the bills, the job, the mortgage, the car bill, all of it. You get to reinvent yourself, for one night. I think that's cool. I think it ok, that no matter how old you get, there's that one night where you get to be a kid at heart all over again. You get to go to parties and live it up. I wish this night happened more than once a year. Yes, I love Halloween, I love it all.

From the great TV specials and shows where the characters get dressed up to the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, TV lets you know that Halloween is still appreciated. I love the spookiness of the night, the ghosts and goblins, the ghouls, and any other g-word that goes along with the night.

Yes, I even loved the first Halloween movie. The rest of them, all nine of them, are horrible. Should have just left it with the original and nothing else. Gosh the rest of the were just plain trash. You just can't beat the original scare movie.

I want people to appreciate this time of the year more and embrace it. This is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be a wonderful time for kids and adults. Embrace the time of the year, go outside and smell the air, feel the sun on your face and look at the scenery. Tell me this isn't the best time of the year. Go ahead, tell me.

Until next time
P

Parenthood.

It's refreshing to have a show that is not centered around cops, a courtroom, or the ER. Finally, we have something that many of us can relate to. NBC hasn't really had a lot to brag about as far as dramas over the years. Not since they canned Studio 60 has there been a show the family can gather around and appreciate. Parenthood on Tuesday night is that one.

I have been a huge fan of Peter Krause since he first appeared as Casey McCall on Sports Night. He has finally landed another great show since that one was cancelled. He stars as Adam Braverman, the oldest of four kids now all grown with families of their own. He has a family of his own, a wife, a teenage daughter, and a young son with a form of Autism called Azbergers syndrome. He works for a shoe company in marketing and advertising, and has his struggles, yet it would appear that every single member of his family comes to him at some if not multiple points in the episode to complain about something or get advice about something else.

It seems that there is no time for him to catch a moment to himself or to enjoy his life. You really feel for him and hope that things turn around for him. Many times I have found myself wondering if this is the episode that things turn around for him. It's time for someone to be there for Adam.

Also returning to television is Lauren Graham, best known as Lorelei Gilmore on the hit show the Gilmore Girls. She is Sarah Braverman, single mother to two children this time around, a teenage boy and girl. She struggles finding a job and keeping it, as well as being a good mother to her kids who miss their father and wish things in their lives weren't so cruddy all the time. Sarah is hard working and loves her family. She also is someone we can relate to, a parent trying everything she can to make her family happy. She is selfless and giving and her scenes are filled with tears and laughter.

Surprisingly the scene stealer of the show as far as I'm concerned is Dax Sheppard as Crosby Braverman. He is a music producer, lives on a houseboat, and just recently discovered that he is a father to a 6 year old son named Jabbar. He never knew he existed until the mother, a fling from long ago, returned in the pilot episode to inform Crosby that he is a father. Crosby is fun guy who doesn't run towards responsibility but when he learned he was a father, he is changing his ways and watching him learn what to do and not to do as a new father is fun and memorable. I was worried that I wouldn't like him, but he has turned out to be the most likable person on the show.

What I love about this show is the dedication to family that is at the heart of the show. Each week no matter what goes wrong, no matter what fights they find themselves in, no matter what struggles they go through, nothing beats your family. Blood is blood and the bond that unites is the strongest bond in the world. You want to be a Braverman, and you want to feel the love that they feel for each other. I love that. I love the feeling that nothing beats family.

It's encouraging that somewhere out there, TV executives wanted to make a show that didn't revolve around the big three, court, cop, doctor. They saw how shows like 7th Heaven, Brothers and Sisters, Gilmore Girls, and others could still find a heart with viewers. They have done it with this show. I encourage you to give it a try, I really think you will like it.

Until Next Time
P

What's the message?

For those of you that have tuned in to the new show, The Defenders on CBS, you have seen something fresh, new, and pretty entertaining. However, I think something is wrong with the message being sent.

This is not a spoiler alert. In it's first two shows, the lawyers, Jim Belushi and Jerry O'Connell, play Vegas Defense attorneys who for all intents and purposes have morals, and have their clients best interests at heart. They are fair, and want to see justice served. However, in the two shows that have aired thus far, their clients are guilty of killing of someone. They are guilty or what they are being charged for, but, they did not intend to kill someone.

One was out of self defense gone wrong, and the other was simply not paying attention. Belushi does a great job of selling the facts that the deaths while tragic, were accidental and not out of malice or ignorance. He sells the client as remorsful, which they are, and he sells the crime as an event that never should have happened, but at the same time is not really a crime at all but really just an accident.

I like the show, but I'm confused, what's the message? Are they saying that it's ok to kill someone so long as it was not your intent to kill them? That you shouldn't go to jail for that? Self defense or not, the truth is people are dead, and your client is the cause for it. Someone should pay the price for that.

I hope to see a case for the Defenders where their clients are not guilty of what they are being charged with and the team is working to get them off, not prevent guilty people from serving jail time.

Watch the show, and see for yourself. Maybe I'm being a little too sensitive with this, but I just feel that the message should be something more positive, even in Vegas. Do the crime, do the time. Intent or not.

Until next time
P